People often indicate to me that I have a tendency to isolate, that I ‘spend too much time on my own’. A case of having friends more social than myself. I often get the third degree about my levels of loneliness- about the amount of time I spend by myself and how I occupy my time when this is the case. But I always emphasise to them that in fact, I relish the time I spend on my own. Spending time by myself, to me, is in fact a luxury. I love spending time on my own like it’s something special, despite the fact that I have a lot of it. I think there’s a very thin line between being alone and feeling alone. I think being ‘alone’ is but a description of a temporary state of being that doesn’t include other people. And feeling ‘alone’ on the other hand, is accompanied by a very melancholy-like tone. I’m always a dog with two tales at the thought of spending time on my own. I come from a very tight-nit family that has always-without ungrateful intent-been too close for comfort–bordering on ominous intensity. Where everyone is denuded of any privacy. Give me a first-rated book, an intimate café in the city, a pre-owneds’ record store, a easy-going stroll down a street accompanied by a cigarette, all by myself, and I’m just as happy if not more, as I would be if I were doing all of it with somebody else. I also quite enjoy socialising, an enjoyable amount that equates to the level of joy I feel to spending time on my own, believe it or not, and having the freedom to choose between the two. I think that having that balance is fundamental to getting to know ones-self. Spending time on my own has afforded me the ability to grow, to gain an understanding of myself, to grow a strange and yet familiar tenderness for myself, the exploration of my mind and ideas about the world, myself, void of any hinderance the outside world could have undoubtedly afforded me, oh so generously. I believe ‘alone’ time becomes a worry when it escalates into alienation; when you outright refuse to do anything or see anyone. I think that’s when things have turned into something more than just wanting to spend quality time with yourself. A number of things can attribute to an isolated life, It could be emotionally charged, or psychologically, even economically-ranging from having an anxiety disorder, to depression, to feelings of inadequacy, as well as a result of socioeconomic issues. Certain things are not as black and white as we like to believe. You can’t tell somebody how to live their life. But you can’t turn a blind eye either if and when things start to seem more than what the surface exhibits. Yes, we cannot bear a concrete knowledge of anyone’s internal life, not even our own. But we should allow ourselves, if need be, to be slaves to the powerless and the voiceless. Pointing out someone’s weak points is never an easy thing to do, let alone admitting to your own, but is most times a necessary and crucial thing to do. 


One thought on “

  1. I can relate to this on so many levels! People assume that I’m an introvert or a loner because I don’t spend most of my days with friends at clubs, bars, cafes, shopping centers, but rather at home, alone, reading a book, cooking or playing with my dogs. They also like to assume that I am a complete bore! But just like everyone else, I do go jogging, I travel, I hike, I go to the gym 5 times a week, I play drums, I write and I paint, but I am only able to enjoy any of these when I am on my own, and that’s what people don’t seem to get. I’m just as adventurous and fun as the next person, but I prefer my own company over anybody else’s!

    Please don’t ever feel bad about enjoying your own company! Sometimes, some things are just way more beautiful of an experience when done alone!

    Love, Lee

    Liked by 1 person

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